Posts Tagged ‘Infertility’
This Thanksgiving there is a lot for which I am thankful.
- First and foremost I am thankful for Mr. Right and our strong marriage. This year has been a challenging year for us. We faced job loss, the closing of Mr. Right’s company, which resulted in a mountain of debt from under which we may never climb out. We also faced illness and miscarriage. Mr. Right had routine but serious nasal and throat surgery. We went through a fertility treatment and were pregnant for a very short time before finding out we were losing the baby. Through all of this, we have been able to continue to put one foot in front of the other knowing that we were walking this walk hand in hand and that the most important thing is that we have each other. I love Mr. Right. I am so very thankful to God for him and for our marriage.
- Next, I am thankful for our children. BusyBoy and GigglyGirl are such sweet and loving children. It feels good to have their love. It feels even better to give my love to them. I am so glad that we have two children to love. It took us quite a few years to get pregnant. There were many Thanksgivings and Christmases that I was sad because we did not have children to share our holidays. This will be our fifth Thanksgiving with them. It is a wonderful feeling to share the holidays with them and to give them all of my love. I love hearing their feet patter down the hall in the morning to cuddle with us before facing the day. I love holding them, caring for them, playing with them, reading with them, and living life from day to day with them.
- I am also thankful for my extended family – parents and siblings and Mr. Right’s parents and sibling and our in-laws. They have been with us this year. They have given us their love and their compassion. I love watching the faces of our parents light up when BusyBoy and GigglyGirl are excited to see them. I am thankful we have a family we enjoy spending time with and whom we can trust.
- This year our friends have truly rallied around us. There are 3 couples in particular that have sustained us and have given us the love we needed exactly when we needed it. The Ps, Bs, and Js are some of the best friends anyone could ever hope to have. We are so blessed to have them as our friends. Instead of judging us (at least to our faces), they have given us a helping hand, prayed with us, and surrounded us with Christian love.
- Additionally, there are other friends who have been incredible to us this year. I am thankful for all the other friends. The ones who have made me laugh, listened to me, allowed me their shoulder to cry on, helped out with the children when needed, and been such good friends to us. For each of these people, I am thankful.
- I am thankful for the new business opportunities that have come our way this year. I am hopeful that I can continue to do political consulting. It is something I enjoy and it is fun to get paid for something I enjoy.
- I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and clothes on our back. While these are things I might normally take for granted, this year I have learned to be thankful for the little things and the big things in life.
- I am thankful I have learned how to blog. It has given me a creative and positive outlet and I enjoy it so much. I have learned more about people from various parts of the country. I have opened my life and shared stories, which is fun. I have researched and learned things that I might not have taken the time to do otherwise. Thanks to all of you who leave comments. I love reading them and knowing that other people are out there reading my blog.
- I am thankful for the Bible. It has given me strength and peace this year. I have learned to appreciate Psalms much more than I ever have in the past. I have been able to relate to stories in the Old Testament that never touched me before. I am grateful for the deeper and better understanding of the Bible.
- I am thankful that I have learned this valuable lesson this year: No matter how many plans and goals you make in life, sometimes things do not go according to plan. When this happens you can adjust and keep striving toward the end goal or you can wallow in self pity. How you handle the change is up to you.
- I am grateful for tivo. It is a luxury item that Mr. Right and I indulge in. It is so much fun to watch the shows we want to watch when we want to watch them. I love tivo and I am really grateful we have it.
- I am thankful for books to read. I love reading. It gives me an escape from the everyday life and allows me to go places I might not otherwise travel. I especially love books I can download onto my Palm Phone so that when I have an insomniac night, I can read to my heart’s content without bothering Mr. Right.
- Finally, I give thanks that Mr. Right had to close his company. While it has been a tough year, we have matured and gained wisdom. Mr. Right was burned out on his industry and really needed to make a change. It is good that he has done this and walked away from it while still learning and making positive changes for the future.
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving (or this Thursday if you do not celebrate Thanksgiving)? Leave a comment below to let me know. Be sure to check out the other Thursday Thirteen posts at the official site.
The prompt for today’s Sunday Scribblings is Dear Diary. This is my first Sunday Scribblings. Here goes nothing.
When will I be able to let go of all the feelings associated with infertility? When will I be able to look at a baby or a pregnant woman and not feel a bit of jealousy because Mr. Right and I cannot easily conceive? When will anxiety that I may not be able to get pregnant ever again ease up? When will the clock quit ticking loudly in my head and heart? Will I be able to think about the bills without worrying that we may not be able to afford to try to get pregnant again?
Don’t get me wrong. I am so grateful for BusyBoy and GigglyGirl. I am so grateful that I actually did have the experience of having a life – 2 lives at one time – growing inside of me. Oh, what a wonderful feeling that was. I loved love the way my tummy grew. I love the want I could feel them kicking and moving inside of me. I love that I breastfed both of them until they were a year and a half. I love that I am able to hold them and comfort them when they are sad or scared. I love their kisses and hugs. I love their smiles and giggles and activity around our home.
I hope I will be able to feel life growing inside of me again. I hope that we are able to have more children so that GigglyGirl and BusyBoy have additional siblings. I hope that even if I cannot experience the feeling of pregnancy again, we grow our family in another way.
As difficult as infertility is, there are some powerful life lessons that go along with it. My ability to be patient has grown. It is more than being patient waiting for life to grow inside of me again. I am more patient with our children. I am more patient with Mr. Right when I think he is being a bit wrong. It is realizing that good things do come to those who wait and that life does not always happen according to our carefully planned schedule.
My ability to savor the moment has grown. Accepting that we really may never have more children, makes me appreciate the simple every day moments in life. While BusyBoy and GigglyGirl start back to preschool in a week and summer has been stressful with all the changes with our jobs, I am grateful that we are home with our children. I have not wished the summer would hurry up and end. I am holding on to the moments both exciting and frustrating knowing that one day the children will be in different stages in their lives.
Mr. Right and I have learned that our relationship is important and that we have to make time for each other. It was easy to do this in the 10 ½ years before we were had children in our marriage. We know that the strength of our relationship helped us survive infertility the first time. That relationship will help us face and conquer the challenges of the future. We know we have to make sure we keep our relationship strong so that we can lean on that relationship when things get tough.
Finally, I have learned to trust God more. When things are tough, I know that God can give me strength to make it through the tough times. I lean on His word and the comfort I can glean from relying on His strength.
So, Diary, while I do not know when the struggle with infertility will end, I do know that it has helped me grow as a person. It may very well teach me a few other lessons before all is said and done.